i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
