Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dick very happy bro
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