Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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