dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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