R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
