Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
