I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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