The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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