this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
