i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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