Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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