I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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