At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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