yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
as a side note pls kill me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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