I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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