there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize