sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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