last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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