Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
