I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
