I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
