I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
