so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
