my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
