she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
