I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize