That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
