Apparently you make a good broom.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize