Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.