I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.