And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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