I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
