He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.