I cannot find my penis.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.