I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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