So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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