So drunk its hurt
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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