I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
