Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
