So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sober January is a disaster.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
