i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
