So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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