I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
