i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
