please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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