i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
