It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
