dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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