If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
