i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
