I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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