I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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