so let's talk penis.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
