Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can you bring me the toilet please
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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