Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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