Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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