My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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