I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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