is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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