i wish peter jackson would direct porn
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
