he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
