lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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