maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
