your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
