I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just tell him i said nine months
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
a search helicopter?!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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