hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
