I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's never too late to be topless.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
