dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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