oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
