I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
