rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
