Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
