I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
