Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
