hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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