This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
