if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
