When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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