Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You made out with two different species that night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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