Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
