Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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