please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
