How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
