first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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