brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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