I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
